Browsing Tag

Self image

Fat and Unapologetic

Housewife Confidential

This evening I got an email from a TV company asking me to spread the word and even apply to be in a TV show about weight loss.

This is possibly the third such email I have had since writing about getting fit and buying plus size clothes. (Spoiler: your TV shows are going to be pretty same-y UK viewers)

There are so many ways in which this pisses me off and it got me thinking about the ways in which people have tried to tell me that my body is not acceptable recently.

When you go through the world fat you get used to people treating you differently, assuming you’re stupid and being openly disgusted by you. By the time I was six I had already been conditioned to loathe myself and was regularly harassed at school for my body. Those scars set hard and I can’t tell you how long it takes for those words to truly be meaningless.

A few weeks ago I was abused and harassed on a train by a man who thought his opinion of my body counted for something. I can’t go into details as it is now a matter for the police but what I can tell you is that he is not the first and will not be the last.

That night I was shaky and furious but I was not shamed. And nor will I be.

Kat Molesworth photographed by Xanthe Berkeley

Image Xanthe Berkeley for Blogtacular.

The default position for anyone who is over their ideal weight is that they must DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. And do you know what? It is none of anyone’s business except mine what I do with my body or how I live.

Do you think I don’t know about the health risks? Are you under the misapprehension that I am stupid and unable to understand how weight loss works? Well let me advise you that I do not need your opinion or not-so-subtle suggestions on how I should treat  my body. If you have never walked in my shoes don’t presume to tell me what I ought to do or how I should act.

I will continue to live how I choose without imposing my views on your body – because I get that those impulses are about me and not you. How about you pay me the same courtesy?

Because I don’t know about you but I am feeling a serious fuck this attitude. I do not have the time or inclination to deal with prejudice about my body. We should not have to put up with people telling us how we should look, what we should wear, how we must behave.

I have spent too much of my life apologising for who I am and how I look. No more. I know what I’m worth even if other people are yet to catch up. I am over making excuses for who I am and how I look.

So excuse me if I don’t give what you say any heed, if I call out your prejudice or ignore your email about a weight loss show. This is me: I’m fat and unapologetic. Get over it.

 

What I See

Kat Molesworth

I have a very strong memory of lying on my bathroom floor, consumed by how much I hated the way I looked. I didn’t look right and people didn’t like me because of this. My body was wrong, my hair wasn’t long and blond, I was ugly, I was fat, I was repulsive. I was six.

I felt like that for as long as I can remember. I can still hear the words people, children, teachers, family used about me. Those words dictated my self-image for most of my life.

I don’t quite know when that changed. It was some point in my early twenties, when I had moved away from these people and started to live a life of my own. I was able to love myself and people were drawn to that rather than the lonely, broken girl who didn’t know how to be in a healthy friendship or relationship.

Accepting and loving myself was a huge step in my life.

When I was asked to contribute to the What I See project my first thought was of my early life. Of looking into the mirror with narrowed eyes repeating the insults that were handed to me daily. There is so much difference in what I see now to what I saw then.

I feel no shame about my body, I see past what it means to other people to the person who lives inside it.

If you’ve not heard of the project yet please take a look at the video below to find out about it.

 

What I See Project Campaign Trailer from whatiseeproject on Vimeo. Email and RSS readers might need to click through to view.

My story stands alongside those of other women who have shared their thoughts on what they see in the mirror. You can head over there, give me a thumbs up if you identify with what I’m saying, browse the other videos and even upload your own take on the question.

Following my film it falls to me to introduce Kate Russell who speaks about being hyper-critical, being a role model and taking on the boys in her video.