Fat and Unapologetic

Housewife Confidential

This evening I got an email from a TV company asking me to spread the word and even apply to be in a TV show about weight loss.

This is possibly the third such email I have had since writing about getting fit and buying plus size clothes. (Spoiler: your TV shows are going to be pretty same-y UK viewers)

There are so many ways in which this pisses me off and it got me thinking about the ways in which people have tried to tell me that my body is not acceptable recently.

When you go through the world fat you get used to people treating you differently, assuming you’re stupid and being openly disgusted by you. By the time I was six I had already been conditioned to loathe myself and was regularly harassed at school for my body. Those scars set hard and I can’t tell you how long it takes for those words to truly be meaningless.

A few weeks ago I was abused and harassed on a train by a man who thought his opinion of my body counted for something. I can’t go into details as it is now a matter for the police but what I can tell you is that he is not the first and will not be the last.

That night I was shaky and furious but I was not shamed. And nor will I be.

Kat Molesworth photographed by Xanthe Berkeley

Image Xanthe Berkeley for Blogtacular.

The default position for anyone who is over their ideal weight is that they must DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. And do you know what? It is none of anyone’s business except mine what I do with my body or how I live.

Do you think I don’t know about the health risks? Are you under the misapprehension that I am stupid and unable to understand how weight loss works? Well let me advise you that I do not need your opinion or not-so-subtle suggestions on how I should treat  my body. If you have never walked in my shoes don’t presume to tell me what I ought to do or how I should act.

I will continue to live how I choose without imposing my views on your body – because I get that those impulses are about me and not you. How about you pay me the same courtesy?

Because I don’t know about you but I am feeling a serious fuck this attitude. I do not have the time or inclination to deal with prejudice about my body. We should not have to put up with people telling us how we should look, what we should wear, how we must behave.

I have spent too much of my life apologising for who I am and how I look. No more. I know what I’m worth even if other people are yet to catch up. I am over making excuses for who I am and how I look.

So excuse me if I don’t give what you say any heed, if I call out your prejudice or ignore your email about a weight loss show. This is me: I’m fat and unapologetic. Get over it.

 

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37 Comments

  • Reply dear pooka October 23, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Heck yeah! And I hope that man gets what’s coming!

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:56 pm

      Me too Pooka :)

  • Reply Joanne October 23, 2014 at 5:43 am

    Hell yes! You kick some sanctimonious butt!
    Joanne recently posted…Hill Top Hat CALMy Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      Thanks Joanne x

  • Reply Carie October 23, 2014 at 7:15 am

    Good for you :) and I love the picture of you with the wings, it’s so clever and you look gorgeous!
    Carie recently posted…Kitty on …My Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      Thanks Carie! I was stood on top of a ladder :)

  • Reply Amy October 23, 2014 at 9:52 am

    So sorry that you’ve had a tough time, no one deserves abuse like that. I am aware increasingly that everyone has their battles and the fact that this person is more interested in what they see as your issues appals me.
    I have had a bit of a revelation and ditched dieting or anything like that and have been trying to concentrate on making my mind more healthy and happy, and guess what when I manage to do that I automatically eat more healthily and am more interested in exercise.
    Do what works for you, but ultimately be happy with who you are now xx

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      Thanks Amy. What you say is so true. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was to treat people as if they are fighting a battle too.

  • Reply Lou Archell - Littlegreenshed October 23, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Damn right! You are a hottie lady! More confidence than anyone I know. And the best smile!
    :) x

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Thanks Lou x

  • Reply Lianne October 23, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Kat, I thought you were amazing and radiant when I met you that time in Bristol. I liked you straight away and I loved hanging out with you. Fuck the opinionated prejudiced box thinkers who can’t look beyond size, whether that is width or length, and who think it’s ok to say something or make some kind of circus act out of you. Comments about my length are usually not patronizing as I can imagine the shit people chuck at you is…but the basic principle is the same: what makes people think it’s ok to comment on other peoples features, don’t they realise it is hurtful, tiring, annoying, discriminating and extremely boring. The shit I have put up with for being extremely tall is crazy. Live and let live. My dad used to say: it’s what’s in and behind the eyes that counts.
    Good for you for writing this blog post….your not fat and unapologetic…you’re you and that’s good

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Thanks Lianne! I just don’t get why people are so concerned with people’s bodies. They just grow, no one can change their height FFS. We’re deffo overdue for a catchup x

  • Reply Suzie @ The View from Here October 23, 2014 at 10:28 am

    HELL YEAH! Good for your Kat. You are one kick-ass woman and the haters can do one. I’m angry on your behalf that some stranger felt it was ok to pass judgement on a train, but it sounds like you are dealing with this in the best way. xx
    Suzie @ The View from Here recently posted…Two party dressesMy Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      Thanks Suzie. He was ridiculous and I hope that this changes the way he behaves, not convinced it will though!

  • Reply Ellie Horry October 23, 2014 at 11:11 am

    HELL YEAH!
    You are truly a force of awesomeness: powerful, creative, inspiring and prepared to shout it like it is.
    I salute you!
    x x x

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      Thank you Ellie x

  • Reply Sarah-Lou October 23, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Go Kat! Not that it should make a difference, but these idiots obviously haven’t met you, nor taken the time to read anything you’ve ever written, else they’d know what a smart, savvy & sassy woman you are. And, whilst it’s your own feelings about yourself that count the most, there are a lot more of us out here that think you’re pretty darn cool, inside & out x

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      Thanks Sarah-Lou x x x

  • Reply Alex October 23, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    It’s funny. I’ve been trying to lose weight for quite a long time now. Because I’m tall, I hide it quite well but I’ve been anything up to 6 stone overweight over the last few years. That’s about the combined weight of two of my kids. Or both my legs or something.

    Mind you ever since Brad Pitt strolled on to the screen in Thelma & Louise with his well oiled six pack, men have had as unrealistic body images foisted on them as women have but that’s not particularly the reason I’ve wanted to lose weight.

    I want to be able to play with the kids, get the endorphins rush from exercise, enjoy playing 5 a side on a Wednesday night without the sad knowledge I’ll get lumped in goal as the fat kid. Does the phrase normal active life sound sad because that’s sort of what I lust after? I worry that my kids will be fat kids because they’ve got a fat parent. In fact the boy already has an appetite that matches the wife’s and I know I can’t control my weight through diet, it just doesn’t work and I have to do it through the simple expedient of burning more calories than I take in. Which is tricky. I’ve had a series of colds recently that have left me feeling drained and I’ve ready put over half a stone back on which is so utterly depressing I couldn’t begin to describe it.

    None of which of course makes anybody else’s opinion and rudeness anything other than, well, rude. I used to suck my thumb when I was little which resulted in me having a overbite that druids could shelter under by the time I was 7. I used to get random people shouting abuse at me in the street about it and I can still feel the hot tears of shame from that.

    Petty small minded mean people make fun of people who are different and unfortunately that is one of societies constants isn’t it?
    Alex recently posted…Never mind the furnitureMy Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      It is so so difficult. You are definitely on the right track and it will happen for you x

  • Reply Ruth October 23, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Top notch ranting, Katinka, and 100% true. You rock. x

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      Why thank you Ruth.

  • Reply Emma Bradshaw October 23, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    and THIS is why you are loved and admired so x x x
    Emma Bradshaw recently posted…PIE MONTHMy Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      Thank you Emma. Also; pie month, PIE MONTH?! I need in on this…

  • Reply Fiona MacBride October 23, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    You know….I felt so good after finding your blog. What a treasure you are!
    Fiona MacBride recently posted…Something Wonderful is Happening.My Profile

    • Reply Kat October 23, 2014 at 11:42 pm

      Thank you Fiona x

  • Reply Claire October 24, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Haters gonna hate Kat.
    It’s not just fuck this, it’s fuck them!
    Claire recently posted…The cutest thing ever.My Profile

    • Reply Kat November 6, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Thanks Claire

  • Reply Alexandra October 24, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    I know how it feels to never feel good enough and judged continuously..,sometimes…even though I am 45 and have the most wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally, it is hard for me to believe I am ok, good enough…all due to my size and people’s perceptions, opinions etc…it seems very trendy at the moment in the UK to fat bash and totally acceptable to judge and criticise overweight people…without knowing anything about them!
    Thank you or being a positive role model and inspiration. Xx

    • Reply Kat November 6, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Thank you for your comment Alexandra. You are an incredible woman and I know you are very much loved x

  • Reply Mrs Teepot October 26, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    This is an AMAZING post! I wish I could embrace my fat body and be unashamed but at the moment I’m not in that place, maybe one day I will be.

    • Reply Kat November 6, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      I hope you get there soon Mrs Teapot x

  • Reply Muddling Along October 30, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Well said – and yay!

    You are beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

    • Reply Kat November 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Thank you Hannah x

  • Reply Kateusedtobeinlondon November 7, 2014 at 3:13 am

    but you’re funny. And clever. And thoughtful. And creative. And I’ve never met you but unless you’re a really clever serial killer with a ill-thought out plan to capture our hearts with your charming writing, you seem kind. And I’m a little bit in love with your family and your life. I’m really sad that people have you feel bad. You deserve to feel great. I hope lots of love from the internets gives you strength in the face of the losers.

    And if not, you should knit a badge that says how ace you are. You’re crafty – you could totally do that.

  • Reply Emma July 5, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    I revisited this post to absorb your powerful piece Kat, as I too, just recently, was vilified for being ‘fat’. I was walking with my Mum, wearing black leggings, big black tee, well-worn Converse, a hint of mascara and a messy bun. Nothing to comment about you would say… but as a car drove past me, a young woman, head stretched from the passenger window, yelled at the top of her lungs “Fat slag!” As the car pulled away I could hear her laughter as I was left standing at the roadside, feet bolted to the floor, feeling utterly sickened, my face hot n prickly and my tummy doing gymnastics! Yes, I’m fat (size 20), but I’m also a human being. This is my first encounter of ‘fatism’, which is an incredibly feat as I have been this size since I was 30 – I am now 45 years old. I’m left with the question – WHY???? I applaud you Kat, your glorious use of colour (I need to step out of my black camouflage), the imagery you share through a lens and the words you craft together. You are amazeballs! xxx

    • Reply Kat July 18, 2016 at 12:03 pm

      Oh Emma this is horrible! Drives me nuts that you had to go through this. Don’t hide, you deserve to take up space in the world and hate filled idiots are not your problem x x x

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