I recall one of those tedious emails that went round offices back in the day when I worked in one. It was a musing on friends, ending in a call to send it on and return it to its sender to show that you had a lasting friendship. Misery guts that I am I don’t think I ever did so. Ho hum, what was I saying? Oh yes, this email thing talked about friends and one line stuck in my head: some people are in your life for a reason, some just for a season. That’s all I remember and I know at the time I felt odd about it. I’m the kind of person who, while I find it hard to express how I feel, cares deeply for her friends. I don’t like it when friendships end, when people move on. It cuts me right to my heart and takes me a long time to get over it. Sadly, I am a right pain in the arse and not easy to get on with. So more often than not, people have just had enough of my peculiar ways.

Recently it seems one of my friends has gone by the way side. As you can imagine I am very sad about this, it was with a heavy heart I accepted the inevitable. As I was thinking of what letting go of this meant for me, that reason/season line popped into my head. Today, as I cut a virtual connection, I thought not about the sadness of ending but about the season we had enjoyed together.

We became friends shortly after becoming mothers. I reached out to you and you responded. Gradually we spent more and more time together. Taking our daughters to baby classes, exchanging ideas, moaning about our day to day irritations. Our babies turned into toddlers, we conspired over our second pregnancies. We spent so many long days together and shared so much. Our tastes and interests seemed so similar. You knew my children better than some family and they loved you so much. I would have done anything for you and your children. You were interested and interesting, company which was always welcome. After my second child arrived you were one of the two people I told my blackest thoughts to. Thoughts I could only write down and never managed to banish. I thought you understood what it did to me.

Now as our children blossom and you bloom it seems our season has come to an end. If you had asked me where I saw this ending I would have told you we’d be trading granny tips and rolling our eyes at how our daughters raised their children. I did not realise that in the heat of the moment, what I said to you would spell the end. I am so sorry for this and wish it could be taken back. But even if it could be taken back I wonder if that would matter? Perhaps it was an inevitable catalyst which brought out resentments long seated.

Our season together was such a beautiful time in my life. I have never been more happy than I have been as a Mama and I treasure the times we shared. I wish light and love for you and your family. I will never stop hoping that we might find another season together some day.